The part I cannot put on YouTube.

Bertha's Private Home

Four short videos a week. You tell me what to film, and I film it.

🔊 Tap the video to play it. Bertha explains the whole thing in a minute and a half.🔊 Sound on · a minute and a half

Put your name down for the openingNot open yet · it costs you nothing · I will write to you the day it opens

The doors are closed while I build it properly. Nobody is charged anything today.

See how it will work ▼

It works like a conversation

Nothing here gets made because I thought of it. Here is the whole of it, start to finish.

You, on Tuesday

My refried beans have been wrong since 1981 and I am starting to take it personally.

Fifty two other members

Put their hand up beside it, because theirs are wrong too.

Me, on Wednesday

I write to you before I film. What fat are you using, and what does the pan look like when it goes wrong? I would rather ask than guess.

You, the same day

Lard, and it goes grey and sticky at the edges.

Any time at all

And if you would rather just ask me quietly, there is a place in there for that. Only the two of us can see it, and I answer them myself.

Me, on Monday

The video is up, with your name on it. Yours and three others, the same way, every week.

That is the difference. Four a week, and every one of them belongs to somebody.

This is the page you get

These are photographs of the real page, once it has been running a few weeks. Yours starts empty on purpose. There is one video in there today, the one where I explain all of this, and then the first four go up on Monday, built out of what you and the others ask for this week.

The members page showing this week's four videos — **The four for the week.** Every one of them carries the name of the member who asked for it, right there under the title. You press one and it plays.

The list of what Bertha is filming next, voted on by members — **What I am filming next.** Every line came from a member. The ones with the most hands up get made, and I write to whoever asked before I film it.

The kitchen table, where members ask questions and reply to each other — **The kitchen table.** Ask me for something, put your hand up for what somebody else asked, and help each other out. I read all of it and I answer what I can.

You can watch me free. So what is this?

A fair question, and I would rather answer it before you pay than after.

On YouTube I keep it short and I keep it general, because it goes out to the whole world and most of them have never met me. I am showing you that a thing exists.

In here I go slowly and all the way into one thing. Not "clean your kitchen" but the grease film behind the stove and why it keeps coming back. Not "make salsa" but why yours goes watery on the table.

And you choose them. It is not a video made only for you, I will not pretend it is. It is as near as I can get to standing in your kitchen without being in it.

The honest math

Four a week is sixteen a month.

16 VIDEOS A MONTH, AT $15

94 cents each.

One book costs about forty dollars and it is finished when you have read it. This is the opposite. It is small, it is every week, and it keeps going.

Plainly, before you decide

These are videos. Nothing comes in the post.

There is no parcel and there is no book in this. If it is paper you want, tell me and I will point you at the printed ones instead, because I would rather you were annoyed with me now than disappointed later.

Do I need to be good with computers?

No. Every Monday I send one email with one link in it. You press a picture and the video plays. That is the whole of it, and if you get stuck you reply to me and I will walk you through it myself.

How do I stop it?

There is a button on your own page that says stop my membership. You press it and it stops that day. You are not asked why, you are not offered three things instead, and nothing is ever taken again.

What if I miss a week?

Nothing happens. Every video stays on your page for as long as you are a member, so a week away just means four waiting for you.

Is this the same as the books?

No. The books are the method written down. This is the part that has to be watched, the hands and the heat and how a thing looks when it is right.

Can I pay for a year instead?

Not yet. I would rather you paid me month by month until you are sure I am worth it.

Not open yet

I opened these doors before the room was ready, and the few people who came in first have had every penny back. That is on me, not on them. So it is closed while I build it properly, and I would rather tell you that plainly than take your money for a quiet room.

Put your name down for the openingIt costs you nothing and it is not a charge of any kind

Nobody is being charged anything today. When it does open you will hear it from me first, and the people who were here at the start come in ahead of everybody else.

I will tell you the day it opens

Put your name down and I will write to you the day the doors open. I am not going to promise you a date I cannot keep, so I will only say that it will be when the room is ready and not before. It costs you nothing and it is not a charge of any kind.

I will not pass your address to anybody and I will not write to you about anything else.